Davis Library, 2nd Floor

If you have studied in Davis Library, then you already know about its lack of quality facilities. However, sometimes Exams or that midnight paper leaves you with few other places to be productive. The bathroom on the second floor is the silver lining to this 8 story storm cloud. The bathroom is quite spacious and boasts three stalls. The usual traffic is still below that of other hot spots on campus. The second floor is by far a superior option to that of the facilities on the first floor where the restroom is cramped, busy, and often unclean. Feel free to venture to the higher levels of Davis for more privacy, but realize that you are risking taking your business to bathrooms that are occasionally unclean and supplies are limited.

Internet: 5
Cleanliness: 4
Location: 4
Space: 5
Supplies: 4
HVAC: 5
Traffic: 4

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Kenan Music Building, First Floor

This is perhaps one of the finest restrooms located on campus. The dark, cherry door, the speckled golden marble vanity tops, and the stone wall tiles presents a majestic feel. Unfortunately, it is located a bit out of the way in the new Kenan Music Building. However, keep it in mind for any trips to the northwest corner of campus. On some occasions, a light serenade from a practicing orchestra can be overheard. The tranquility found here would have made this the prime location for greats like Mozart or Bach to compose while taking care of business. As far as public restroom's go, this could probably best be described as Beethoven's 9th.

Internet: 4
Cleanliness: 5
Location: 2
Space: 5
Supplies: 4
HVAC: 5
Traffic: 4

1 is bad for pooping, 5 is great for pooping!

Old Swain, First Floor

It's time to build a relationship with this is a one-person bathroom. Once you lock it, then its all yours! It's recently renovated with all the bells and whistles, e.g. shiny sink, tall mirror, automatic flush, large trash can with paper towel dispenser. There is even an outlet that your laptop charger can reach from the toilet! The room seems to be cleaned regularly. If I dropped a dry piece of food on the floor I would probably pick it back up and eat it. Unfortunately, people know about this one... you may need to wait outside for a couple minutes until another student finishes. CAUTION: Loud noises, including those from diarrhea and hot sex, can be heard in the
performance studio next door. Honestly though, probably the best place to masturbate if you don't need internet to do so.

Internet: 0
Cleanliness: 5
Location: 3
Space: 5
Supplies: 5
HVAC: 3 (a little hot)
Traffic: 3

-FW
1 is bad for pooping, 5 is great for pooping!

Union, Basement level, near South Road

A little known gem! Despite it's proximity to high traffic areas like the U bus stop, this bathroom gets little foot traffic. It has 3 stalls, followed by the urinals. Handicap stall is very spacious with enough room for backpack and jacket to rest cleanly off the floor. Always enough toilet paper, including extras in the mini closet next to the sinks. I have engaged in many a PFN (Pooping Friends Network, pronounced piffin) in this restroom and have rarely ever encountered a rival pooper. For a whole semester it was my daily post-Lenoir locale, and this shitter was always up to the task!

Internet connectivity: 3
Cleanliness: 5
Location: 5
Space: 4
Supplies: 5
HVAC: 5
Traffic: 4
Resiliency: 5

-LB
1 is bad for pooping, 5 is great for pooping!

Hanes Center, 3rd Floor

An oasis of sorts for the late-night photo developer or print maker. The main hallway is long, stark, and provides access to a number of abandoned lecture rooms and neglected professor's offices. Resolving to relieve yourself, the surgical and infinite hallway (which may conjure images from The Shining) quickly becomes a makeshift exhibit for the dilapidated flyers and various art student propaganda reminiscent of a better time. The bathroom is small, but clean smelling. A stained, fifties-era metal and brown upholstery chair sits awkwardly under the paper towel dispenser, damp from the dripping hands that hover expectedly over it. There are two sinks, the porcelain and stainless steel scrubbed raw with Pine-Sol, hot and cold water from both. There is one stall and one urinal (the stall adjacent to the western wall). Both are clean, and the stall is sufficiently stocked. One of my favorite aspects is the toilet paper dispenser: it is located above shit level, meaning there is absolutely no premature paper scrunching that typically occurs with the lower dispensers. I have never seen another soul use this restroom. Note: if you are a female your chances of an encounter are much greater given the popularity of the art major with the female sex (especially in the areas of photography and print-making).

Internet Connectivity: 2
Cleanliness: 4
Location: 5
Space: 3
Supplies: 4
HVAC: 5
Traffic: 5
Soap Latherability: 5

-TH
1 is bad for pooping, 5 is great for pooping!

Student Stores, Pit-level

These bathrooms are located between the Student Stores and the Student Stores annex (right near all the candy). This bathroom is well lit and very spacious. If you need to use a bathroom to change clothes, this should definitely be your choice. Centrally located, the Student Stores bathroom provides a great opportunity to poop between class or coming from Alpine. However, users have to lock the door (there are no stalls). This means that a line of angry poopers may form outside the door and you will have to encounter them when you leave. Additionally, the lock to this door can be a little finicky, so be wary of this before you start your poop. All said, this bathroom is great in terms of location and space and should definitely be among the top choices for you to poop in.

Internet connectivity: ??
Cleanliness: 3
Location: 5
Space: 5
Supplies: 4
HVAC: 5
Traffic: 2

-DB
1 is bad for pooping, 5 is great for pooping!