Union, Basement level, near South Road

A little known gem! Despite it's proximity to high traffic areas like the U bus stop, this bathroom gets little foot traffic. It has 3 stalls, followed by the urinals. Handicap stall is very spacious with enough room for backpack and jacket to rest cleanly off the floor. Always enough toilet paper, including extras in the mini closet next to the sinks. I have engaged in many a PFN (Pooping Friends Network, pronounced piffin) in this restroom and have rarely ever encountered a rival pooper. For a whole semester it was my daily post-Lenoir locale, and this shitter was always up to the task!

Internet connectivity: 3
Cleanliness: 5
Location: 5
Space: 4
Supplies: 5
HVAC: 5
Traffic: 4
Resiliency: 5

-LB
1 is bad for pooping, 5 is great for pooping!

Hanes Center, 3rd Floor

An oasis of sorts for the late-night photo developer or print maker. The main hallway is long, stark, and provides access to a number of abandoned lecture rooms and neglected professor's offices. Resolving to relieve yourself, the surgical and infinite hallway (which may conjure images from The Shining) quickly becomes a makeshift exhibit for the dilapidated flyers and various art student propaganda reminiscent of a better time. The bathroom is small, but clean smelling. A stained, fifties-era metal and brown upholstery chair sits awkwardly under the paper towel dispenser, damp from the dripping hands that hover expectedly over it. There are two sinks, the porcelain and stainless steel scrubbed raw with Pine-Sol, hot and cold water from both. There is one stall and one urinal (the stall adjacent to the western wall). Both are clean, and the stall is sufficiently stocked. One of my favorite aspects is the toilet paper dispenser: it is located above shit level, meaning there is absolutely no premature paper scrunching that typically occurs with the lower dispensers. I have never seen another soul use this restroom. Note: if you are a female your chances of an encounter are much greater given the popularity of the art major with the female sex (especially in the areas of photography and print-making).

Internet Connectivity: 2
Cleanliness: 4
Location: 5
Space: 3
Supplies: 4
HVAC: 5
Traffic: 5
Soap Latherability: 5

-TH
1 is bad for pooping, 5 is great for pooping!

Student Stores, Pit-level

These bathrooms are located between the Student Stores and the Student Stores annex (right near all the candy). This bathroom is well lit and very spacious. If you need to use a bathroom to change clothes, this should definitely be your choice. Centrally located, the Student Stores bathroom provides a great opportunity to poop between class or coming from Alpine. However, users have to lock the door (there are no stalls). This means that a line of angry poopers may form outside the door and you will have to encounter them when you leave. Additionally, the lock to this door can be a little finicky, so be wary of this before you start your poop. All said, this bathroom is great in terms of location and space and should definitely be among the top choices for you to poop in.

Internet connectivity: ??
Cleanliness: 3
Location: 5
Space: 5
Supplies: 4
HVAC: 5
Traffic: 2

-DB
1 is bad for pooping, 5 is great for pooping!

Stone Center Lobby

This bathroom is very nice, very clean, and very new. Four stalls without those annoying automatic flushers. The sinks are high quality, with a marble countertop and real knobs for hot and cold water, also not motion sensor activated. Kind of out of the way, but a comfortable spot for pooping.

Internet connectivity: 5
Cleanliness: 5
Location: 2
Space: 5
Supplies: 4
HVAC: 5
Traffic: 4
Lack of automation: 5

-AR
1 is bad for pooping, 5 is great for pooping!

FedEx Global, 3rd Floor

If you are ever on the west side of campus, this might be the go-to spot. The facilities are new considering the Global Center was built in 2007. There is nothing flashy about the architecture in the restrooms, but its simplicity and its cleanliness is quite welcoming. There is also a single entryway that takes you to the two restroom doors. It creates the feeling of seclusion. There are three stalls. A fourth stall houses the urinal. Perhaps the most alluring aspect is the fact that there is usually little to no traffic. Don't be afraid of the amber water, no one forgot to flush. The water at the Global Center is treated water that is recycled from a nearby receptacle. Stop by and drop a 2 and go Green in the process!

Internet connectivity: 5
Cleanliness: 5
Location: 2
Space: 4
Supplies: 3
HVAC: 4
Traffic: 5

-CE
1 is bad for pooping, 5 is great for pooping!

South Building basement

This is not where the Chancellor poops. Utility pipes for the building are poking out of the walls and ceiling. The room is lit by shop lights that have no cover, just fluorescent bulbs in a frame. Everything is painted white or a variation of white. The floor tile looks like somebody ate a banana and then threw up tetris blocks. Each of the three stalls has a seat-protector dispenser, so no toilet paper nesting is needed! Unfortunately when you put a protector down, you realize that the hole in the paper is smaller than the hole in the toilet seat. So when I pooped the turd hit the back of the protector and dragged the whole thing into the toilet. I had to stand up and let it go in, which was an inconvenience. The most distinctive feature of this restroom may be the door: the center of it is a large frosted glass panel like you might see in a 1970's newsroom, or the door of a private eye's office. Odd place, good if you're looking for something a little different.

Internet Connectivity: 2
Cleanliness: 3
Location: 2
Space: 3
Supplies: 4
HVAC: 5
Traffic: 3

1 is bad for pooping, 5 is great for pooping!

Union annex, Pit-level floor

Sort of a strip mall vibe, or like something you would find in an airport. Stalls are made of marble-print plastic, walls and floor have tile with dirty grout. Sinks are shiny black in an effort to be classy. Three stalls, of course I took the handicapped one... perfectly fine, nothing too good or bad about it, except that the toilet seat is canted horizontally about 15 degrees, and this is effecting my concentration. Two brand new rolls of double-ply toilet paper lift the spirits!

UPDATE: Shouldn't have posted before washing my hands. The sinks are SO mint! These are brushed metal circles with a large diameter. Best of all, they are very deep... the sides go straight down rather than sloping, and the bottom is flat. All four sinks together look like a four-cylinder engine block. Standing over just one, its like peering into a large kitchen pot. You feel like a master saucier while rinsing off: Bon appetit!

Internet Connectivity: 4
Cleanliness: 3
Location: 5
Space: 4
Supplies: 4
HVAC: 5
Traffic: 3

1 is bad for pooping, 5 is great for pooping!

Union, Back of 3rd Floor

The light was off when I walked in. Large mirrors above the sinks lean down towards you distorting your image. Something dripping makes this slightly creepy... as does the framed poster on the wall saying "Condom Sense." There are three marble stalls with heavy-duty hinges, hooks, and locks. It is the afternoon and all three toilets are still clean from last night's janitor! The stall walls begin about a foot off the ground, so your feet are very visible, as is your head when you stand up. This would be bad for clandestine pooping, except that no one really comes in here. Recommended on a rainy day.

Internet connectivity: 2
Cleanliness: 5
Location: 5
Space: 4
Supplies: 4
HVAC: 4
Traffic: 5

1 is bad for pooping, 5 is great for pooping!

Front Entrance Fetzer

At least the furthest stall has a lock, don't know about the others. I'd say this is an old facility, but well loved. Decent for pooping during class time, but why are you in Fetzer if not for a class? Having said that, it's still useful for emergencies, but if you go when classes are changing, it will be highly trafficked. This may lead to smells less pleasant than your own. Also, there is a 2 door air-lock system to this restroom, but one is always propped open. Therefore, the cute girls congregating for beginning jogging outside in the foyer can hear your flatulence and even see your shoes under the stall as other dudes carelessly open the door during your poop. Handicapped s(h)itting rails are good for hanging your newspaper, or for grip during tough episodes. The black-painted wood doors are crappy and don't compliment the nicely appointed marble stall sides. Not much entertainment provided by grafitti, maybe it's tough to write on marble.

Internet Connectivity: 1*
Cleanliness: 3
Location: 4
Space: 4
Supplies: 4
HVAC: 5 (moderated by foyer and outside air)
Traffic: 5

* Untested, but judging by the poor service in rm 106, and the thick cinderblock walls.
-LE
1 is bad for pooping, 5 is great for pooping!

3rd Floor Hanes

Recently renovated, with pleasant white paint and beige tile. There is only one stall and it is handicapped... very spacious and good for private pooping, but if someone else wants to poop this could get awkward. On the hall of the STOR offices. Lots of open office doors and statisticians walking around, so it was fairly obvious to them what I was doing on their floor. Stall door has two hooks, convenient for backpack and jacket. Window in the stall has large sill. Consumer tp rather than the big industrial rolls; nice touch!

Internet Connectivity: 5 (unc-1)
Cleanliness: 5
Location: 3
Space: 5
Supplies: 5
HVAC: 3 (a little hot)
Traffic: 4

1 is bad for pooping, 5 is great for pooping!